Michael & Ruth's blogging site

Michael & Ruth's blogging site
"Two Souls but a Single Thought....Two Hearts that Beat as One."

About Me

Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter, so that the world will be at least a little bit different for our having passed through it. . . . What frustrates us and robs our lives of joy is this absence of meaning. . . . Does our being alive matter? Harold S. Kushner in "When All You Ever Wanted Isn't Enough

Friday, February 26, 2010

Resiliency Model: A New Way to Save the Lives of Young People


I believe that the myriad of problems facing the youth today can come from different perspectives. For starters there is the issue of drugs that are becoming more and more readily available to young people. Children are getting involved in drugs (illegal) as young as middle school. The rate of teenage pregnancies, drunk driving, joining gangs, is no doubt-enormously high. Oh, Let's not forget the irresponsible parents doing drugs in front of their children pretending that it's no big deal.

To be part of the "in crowd" is a highly coveted social position for today's youth. It is a position that many of them would give up their morals and even their health for.

These "Societal problems of youth" have been a long time concern not only of our criminal justice system but also among several bodies of research from different fields.

As a psychologist major i've decided to focused on what my field is doing in action to help solve the problems of the Young Generation.

The long standing question for psychologist is to try to figure out what was wrong with their patients, and try to help people deal with their problems. About 10 years ago, things began to shift. Instead of asking the question: What DAMAGES people? Some psychologist focused on what makes people STRONG.

Most of the studies have been done on young people. And most of this shows that 1/3 of the kids who lived under difficult circumstance sexual abuse, alcoholic parents’ poverty and that kind of thing, a full third of these kids do fine. They did NOT get caught up with crime or drug, they don’t become pregnant in their teens, and they lived responsible lives and become responsible
The resiliency literature provides counselors with a more effadults.

The question is WHY? What factors either internal or external worked for this teens? and most importantly could researchers identify these factors that apply not just to young people, but to all kinds of people facing the hardships of life and give them the ability to “Bounce back”

This was the start of a new and interesting field-RESILIENCY.

Resiliency is the ability to spring back from and successfully adapt to adversity. An increasing body of research from the fields of psychology, psychiatry, and sociology is showing that most people, including young people–can bounce back from risks, stress, crises, and trauma and experience life success.

ective and personally satisfying way to work with and relate to their clients. There are basically six protective conditions associated with resiliency (caring and support, high expectations, meaningful opportunities for involvement, pro-social bonding, clear and consistent boundaries, and "life skills") into counseling relationships so as to encourage the growth of resiliency in. The power of the protective conditions mentioned above is the
Heart of this Model.

There is a robust body of research literature in the counseling and therapy fields supporting the importance of "therapist factors" (level of empathy, view of client, etc.) and the therapeutic relationship in promoting positive change.

Counselors need to know about protective factors, and the power of a diagnostic approach that focuses on a more complete picture of the people they counsel. With this knowledge, they can look for individual strengths and environmental protective conditions, nurture them, and try to facilitate their growth in the lives of their clients.

I agree with the wisdom of Dennis Salleebey, D.S.W., who writes in The Strengths Perspective in Social Work Practice (Longman, 1997):


"People are more motivated to change when their strengths are supported," People I have interviewed who have left gangs, recovered from alcohol and other drug addiction, made it successfully through college despite a childhood of abuse, or overcome other significant traumas have told me the same thing. "The people who helped me the most were the ones who told me ‘what is right with you is more powerful than anything that is wrong with you,'" a young man who successfully completed college despite a childhood of living in one foster home after another told me (Henderson, 1991).


This Model of Resiliency training and counseling has indeed helped alot of young people. As evidenced by the life changing experience that brought a new start of hope for the future generation.

(Ive attached two testimonials of successful stories of youth from the
Resiliency in action site )

Leslie Krug: "I've Been In So Much Trouble and I'm Still Here"
Leslie Krug went through ninth grade in a traditional high school three times. A lot of her problems, she said, began in sixth grade when her dad died, which "hurt a lot." Though she was sent to counseling, seventh through ninth grade were years of skipping school, drinking, and using drugs. Her message now: "I've been in so much trouble and I'm still here." Today, at age 16, Leslie is back in school and doing well. She was one of two students selected, in fact, by the school staff of the alternative school she now attends to be featured as a "face of resiliency." She is no longer using drugs, and is contemplating a future as a small business owner.

L.W. Schmick: Overcoming and Challenging the Label "At Risk
When L.W. Schmick was in middle school, he realized he was in a class that "was different" from other kids. By his freshman year in high school, he knew that his classes were for "at risk" students. Though he says he "wasn't ever mad at teachers for seeing that and being aware of that," he thinks the label was detrimental to himself and his peers. "Putting an 'at risk' student in a separate class just separates them more. And I think that's what a lot of at risk students are trying not to do [--be more separate]. I think they should be blended in more so they are not put in their own little group, " L.W. explained


References: Henderson, N. (1999). Preface. In N. Henderson, B. Benard, N. Sharp-Light (Eds.), Resiliency in action: Practical ideas for overcoming risks and building strengths in youth, families, & communities. San Diego, CA: Resiliency In Action, Inc.









Friday, February 19, 2010

Confession of A Blogger

Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough that we should try again. -Julia Cameron

I have a confession to make...

Forgive me if I might sound a little blunt in this post, but I just wanted to be honest with you.

Iam a perfectionist.

I can’t help it; Perfectionism is something that I have always struggled with. I always try to avoid mediocrity. It’s either full on or not at all. I think this could also be seen as addictive behavior. I do something a lot or I don’t do it at all. I like learning new things, but I prefer to master something I love to do and be good at doing it, rather than learning a new task through “trial and error”.

You can say I’m a coward in a sense-so to speak.

The good news is I’m not perfect. and I will never be.

Blogging in the past few weeks has taught me the BEST LESSON not only through writing but through my personal life…

Everyweek I noticed, I’m overthinking and overanalyzing what topic to write, and every time I’m done writing it, I’m proofreading it several hundred times (I maybe exaggerating). Some posts will capture those inspired moments and lessons I’ve treasured in life. And others will be average or maybe not even. Some might even have grammatical errors or odd phrases (mind you my primary language is not English). Some might be even boring.

But I guess, it’s all part of me. All I can promise here is PURE HONESTY, which I figured will help me so much along the way. I decided to write, and see what comes out. Not as easy as I would like, but better than I ever have in the past.

I never thought that it would make such an impact in my life and towards self improvement. What’s even more comforting to know is that as I express my views and experiences, I am also learning in the process.

I’ve transformed from a Perfectionist to a Healthy striver.

My message here is to inspire, but it is also based on being realistic. This makes being a perfectionist such a vague and idiotic idea: Achieving the impossible. And, I don’t mean this in the emotional, touchy, Dream Big and Reach for the Stars type of impossible. What I mean is that this is continuously self defeating because you constantly can’t live up to your own unreal expectations type of impossible.

Answer.com dictionary defined perfectionism as a propensity for being displeased with anything that is not perfect or does not meet extremely high standards That’s a risky way to live. You are rarely satisfied, and then more often than not unhappy. Which leads to a lot of failure, discontentment, and hopelessness.

I need to constantly remind myself that it’s okay to screw up, or make a move even if its not the right move. Perfectionism is pathetic. it’s all fear based. It’s a cowardly way to exist.

The only way I know to resist this is to doing it wrong. A lot. The more mistakes I make, the easier it is to realize it’s not the end of the world. I’m not even going to proofread this article. Okay, maybe I’ll proofread it twice or three times, but just not the usual 30 times.Lol

It is such a humble and life changing experience.

So tell me, how about you…Do you any confession to share?

Saturday, February 13, 2010

So Your Life Sucks?


I was feeling kind of “BLAH” for the past week after all the hassle and bustle of the toxic exams. So yesterday, I decided to treat myself with some delicious chick-fil-A (Didn’t mean to endorse though, but it’s really good). And it’s been a while since I last had one…

Inside the fast food house, a seemingly exhausted public truck driver entered the door, which caught my attention. He was a big guy, with his forehead and face frowned, playing with his keys and a stick of cigarette, he went immediately in front of the line adjacent to my table.

While waiting for his order, he says in a moderately-sarcastic toned voice: “Eat, drive, eat… then drive again! OH THIS LIFE SUCKS!!!

The food almost burst out from my mouth. I could not help myself to smile and utterly nod on what I’ve just heard. I was thinking at the back of my head; “Poor driver, this man definitely needs a break”.

But on my way home, as the ambiance of lights we’re flashing from the road of 301, and silence taking place. His words suddenly lingered in my head once more…..

I realized that there is truth beyond the humor of his complaining statement.

Many times we feel Fed up with life and we are all trapped.Sometimes we feel we are stuck being who we are. We struggle to change ourselves, but the result has so little effect. We can change what we do, but sometimes we cannot change who we are.

Or think about just how we live every day,

It’s basically the “same old same” isn’t it? You wake up in the morning, eat, school, work, some other things then sleep. And the next day will repeat the same thing all over again. Although this cycle is actually for those “fortunate people”. Others have a routine that’s “purely labor” day and night and a little or no sleep at all. Just like the truck driver I’ve mentioned earlier.

Worse, is when we feel sick and tired of this “rat race”. You struggle with all these problems year after year, and you're getting nowhere, and you wonder if anything will ever change. And the unavoidable reality of it all is that, for you, Life sucks.

The point I want to make is that if you think you’re stuck in this cycle forever, and that your life is not changing, Well you got it all wrong.

The only constant in life is CHANGE. It’s true that our lives are one big cycle with a beginning and endpoint. We are on the journey of endless change. Or what we called the journey of life.
Life is one huge roller coaster with many ups, downs, hoops and loops.

The ups of life, which are those moments of peak happiness, are great and amazing moments. They come inevitably or unexpected and can rarely be forced. I’ve had some days and moments of peak happiness where I can say were the best and unforgettable moments of my life.

On the flipside I’ve also had moments where I felt extremely exhausted bad and just wished the ground would open up underneath me and swallow me up. Those are the downs of life and they also come inevitable and unexpectedly out of the blue.

Take the analogy of life being a journey in an off road vehicle. You don’t know where you are going but you head off in a direction and keep going. Sometimes the road will be perfectly smooth and visible, other times there will be bumps and humps along the road, and you hardly see anything. There will be times when you have a dead-end and need to reverse because otherwise you will drive off a cliff and cause accident. Like wise, according to an inspiring quotation written by Bob Moawd he states that:
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your
own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift
is yours it is an amazing journey and you alone are responsible for
the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
Sometimes you will make huge progress in short period of time and sometimes youwill take ages to achieve what very little simple things that matter. Don’t get frustrated when you don’t make progress or when the ride is bumpy and rough, it’s all part of the journey. Embrace it with acceptance and keep moving on.
We are all human and it is good to feel for something we care about.-OUR OWN LIVES.
But, what we don’t realize is that-LIFE IS ALL ABOUT YOU, and how you treat it.
If you criticize it, you are actually criticizing yourself. You like it, you hate it? Well it’s all up to you.
So be careful how you describe it.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Am I Really Weird???


So some of you might be wondering why I am asking this…. Well, the word “weird” and “loser” are the words that I’ve often heard over and over again from some of my friends and even family members for reading a lot self-help books and making the effort to improve. I have gone through this and endure this kind of criticism for years in my life.

There are many people who have this stereotype against productivity/self improvement. They think that if you are not born with the skill or talent, and if you need to study and read books is that you are either a.) Don’t have a social life b.) Have a deep emotional /psychotic problem that you need to vent out that’s why you read this crap of self improvement books or c.) You just have nothing better to do. Honestly, I haven’t heard anything more absurd. Sadly, the people who say this often end up needing the most self improvement.

When you make the decision to improve at something, and start putting in the effort and work to get better, you will most likely endure a lot of criticisms or even degrading insults from others attempting to sabotage your desire to improve.

Let me share an experience with you. Well unfortunately, I was born fatherless, my dad abandoned us and my mother was forced to work abroad and left us (my brothers and I) to my aunt’s house to take care of us for 4 years. My aunt has 2 daughters and we are all going on the same private school and same grade level.

Then One day, our school held a quiz competition and the school will carefully pick students who will represent the school and compete for the regional quiz bee. Well one my cousins and I were one of the students who were chosen. This aunt of mine always tries to boast about her daughter and she was overly confident that her daughter was the smart one, but then I on the other hand have always been the shy and meek type of girl (which I admit, until now I still am sometimes). I was even labeled the “Pushover”. But I don’t really care much, although it hurts at a very young age to hear those words coming from my own aunt. Sometimes, I even thought she has a mental disorder” (sorry), coz she seems to be fanatic by her own talented/pretty daughter, (it’s a little funny though). But still, I continued to study hard for the coming regional school quiz bee competition. I was thinking, alright maybe I wasn’t born with the talent but I can work hard for this.

Anyway fast forward, I did got the first place of that regional overall quiz bee competition. Although sadly, I have no parents by my side, but still I felt happy and realized that it’s not really about having the “skill’ but rather having the passion to improve regardless of the criticisms you hear from other people.

But that was years ago, now my aunt and I have a good relationship, as well as with my cousin. So it’s all good and refreshing. Anyway going back to my point…

None of us are a master at something from the day we are born. Some of us have natural or inborn talent, but we all make mistakes and we all need to improve ourselves to some extent to get better in life. You cannot look at someone who is highly successful and say “Aww, he was born with that talent”. Personally, I've observed that the successful people often don’t have much inborn talent, but they have a passion and desire to succeed at what they do regardless of anything, and they read every book they can get their hands on to be productive.

One of the important things about self-improvement is to get a well-defined sense of identity. To realized that you make life-defining choices and stand by your decisions. This means you can evaluate someone’s comment for logical arguments against your decision and see if you are right, and it means that you do not let other people influence you to an enormous degree. But rather it creates a bridge of understanding to others and to yourself.

I am far from perfect and don’t claim to have much wisdom. My posts are mostly about my experiences and observations about life, and I hope that you enjoy them and even learn from them.

It has taken me time to discover what I love doing, but with every day I am learning more and more…

Now I thought, “Hmm…Maybe I’m not really weird after all. Maybe I just wanted to make a difference”.

If you have comments, critique, suggestions.

I would love to hear from you!

Oh yeah, I’d like to also share this link with you, that I’ve been reading lately for the past few weeks. Just reading short random experiences from people, it’s cool and it’s inspiring. Check it out!! http://makesmethink.com/